Nadim M.

Doktor K.

Ecstasy

This text was originally written in French.

It’s a sunny afternoon.

I am lying on my back, on the warm spring grass, with my eyes wide open, my arms spread out in a V. You too, not far from me, my fingertips touch your fingertips. Under the shade of this tree in full enjoyment, time seems to slow down, everything became slower, thicker, more powerful… Something was happening…

Gradually, my vision became enhanced or perhaps it simply became what it really is. The leaves appear greener and greener to me, a green I’ve never seen before. Each leaf had shapes and reliefs. Whole rivers were there. I could see them moving, not by the force of the wind, but by the force of the sap flowing through their arteries. The whole tree was breathing, and with the movement of its lungs I felt the movement of my lungs. I knew very well that all I saw was not a hallucination. I was immersed in the reality of the world.

The heat of the earth under my back started to penetrate my body. I could no longer tell where my body stopped or where the ground began. I felt the earth moving under me in a wise and rhythmic way. The earth entered me and moved my lungs. I felt my chest rise and fall like never before. My heart was beating like it was never so alive. Something very strange was happening…

All of a sudden, almost everything disappeared. At least, when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t see anything. One of two things happened. Either my body became giant, or the whole world became very small. But one thing is for sure, my stomach was round, huge. I was floating in a black and starry space. All the hearts were beating inside my heart, and all the lungs were breathing inside my lungs. I realized I was pregnant. I realized that the whole earth has entered my round belly. Again, I knew very well that what I was going through was far from being a hallucination. On the contrary, I have never been so seriously immersed in the reality of the world.

Everything that was happening on the blue planet was now happening directly inside me. I closed my eyes to better see and feel the chaos that was shaking my belly. What an amazement! I have no words to describe the screams I heard, the tears, the laughter, the orgasms and the torture that fused inside me. A boiling earth, a land populated by atoms that carry in the depths of their particles, the sacred waves of life.

A very deep sense of peace and happiness overwhelms me. A religious feeling runs through my nerves like a wave of cosmic electricity. Confident and euphoric, I open my eyes to look at my belly. Frightening situation, exquisite! I realize I no longer have eyes and I no longer have a belly. Yet my vision has never been so clear and my life has never been so intense.

There was absolutely nothing left, except for clusters of galaxies very far away. My whole body and being completely dissolved and my atoms became again the atoms of the whole universe. The sun grew so big that it eventually became very small. Billions of years ago, it very violently burned Mercury, Venus and the Earth. Jupiter and Saturn were swallowed, crunched and digested, not to mention the small pyramids of the pharaoh.

I no longer have a soul or a body. We’ve all been dead for so long. How can I explain that I can still live? I can still feel my fingertips touching your fingertips. But we have no fingers anymore. Our skins are gone. My flesh entered your flesh. My blood mixed with your blood. My being became your being. Open your eyes now and imagine it’s an afternoon of a sunny spring. Imagine you’ve just been born. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?

Would you like to live and die with ecstasy?

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